I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
