Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
