Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
