if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
