he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
