Texts From Last Night

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  (909): View more from California

  I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.

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  (909): I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice. http://tfl.nu/z7v3
  Replies (14) Good night (4718) Bad night (752)
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  (949): View more from California

  Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.

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  (949): Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class. http://tfl.nu/ne6k
  Replies (7) Good night (953) Bad night (2712)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.

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  (520): i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off. http://tfl.nu/yt3u
  Replies (10) Good night (2921) Bad night (699)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)

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  (403): SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :) http://tfl.nu/xxdx
  Replies (15) Good night (6046) Bad night (769)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning

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  (603): i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning http://tfl.nu/3q6t
  Replies (10) Good night (1098) Bad night (4404)
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  (805): View more from California

  my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.

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  (805): my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad. http://tfl.nu/fiwi
  Replies (43) Good night (1588) Bad night (14556)
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  (916): View more from California

  Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.

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  (916): Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius. http://tfl.nu/nzur
  Replies (26) Good night (6839) Bad night (1143)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.

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  (517): Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever. http://tfl.nu/fx8m
  Replies (21) Good night (4754) Bad night (1672)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment

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  (314): I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment http://tfl.nu/5u6p
  Replies (11) Good night (4968) Bad night (897)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder

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  (561): I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder http://tfl.nu/ihwc
  Replies (1) Good night (1300) Bad night (576)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis

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  (970): Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis http://tfl.nu/gujt
  Replies (14) Good night (3844) Bad night (805)
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  (44): View more from United Kingdom

  Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...

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  (44): Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms... http://tfl.nu/mf8r
  Replies (2) Good night (699) Bad night (355)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.

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  (309): I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong. http://tfl.nu/hvs3
  Replies (2) Good night (655) Bad night (371)
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  (323): View more from California

  He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.

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  (323): He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him. http://tfl.nu/swjk
  Replies (5) Good night (1159) Bad night (320)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college

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  (716): I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college http://tfl.nu/up0f
  Replies (6) Good night (314) Bad night (360)

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