so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.