it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
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I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I think a kid would responsible me up
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
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Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.