Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."

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  (202): And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan." http://tfl.nu/9mrq
  Replies (17) Good night (2079) Bad night (816)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.

  (1-206): View more from Washington

  Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.

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  (206): I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light. (1-206): Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had. http://tfl.nu/n63r
  Replies (8) Good night (1325) Bad night (1978)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.

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  (403): Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack. http://tfl.nu/lh8d
  Replies (12) Good night (2469) Bad night (737)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.

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  (724): I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state. http://tfl.nu/piph
  Replies (17) Good night (610) Bad night (3225)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.

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  (847): yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her. http://tfl.nu/lht2
  Replies (14) Good night (4084) Bad night (1263)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.

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  (207): It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it. http://tfl.nu/yxow
  Replies (4) Good night (2535) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride

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  (973): Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride http://tfl.nu/vufa
  Replies (23) Good night (5334) Bad night (1445)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.

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  (757): We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather. http://tfl.nu/kdej
  Replies (10) Good night (3120) Bad night (761)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.

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  (405): It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion. http://tfl.nu/3wue
  Replies (2) Good night (966) Bad night (611)
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  (516): View more from New York

  My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air

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  (516): My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air http://tfl.nu/h73p
  Replies (4) Good night (1052) Bad night (1094)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive

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  (704): His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be. (336): You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver. (704): Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive http://tfl.nu/8bf5
  Replies (7) Good night (1437) Bad night (605)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...

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  (269): It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom... http://tfl.nu/xo96
  Replies (4) Good night (962) Bad night (627)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.

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  (706): i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house. http://tfl.nu/5m3i
  Replies (1) Good night (839) Bad night (828)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates

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  (603): You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates http://tfl.nu/ztgg
  Replies (2) Good night (723) Bad night (325)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I just told a bottle to be chill

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  and meant it

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  (604): I just told a bottle to be chill (604): and meant it http://tfl.nu/uxaa
  Replies (2) Good night (645) Bad night (339)

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