i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."