I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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