Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
