girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
where are you?
Hypothermia
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
