yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
