goodnight i made you a song goodbye
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
