Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My ass is underappreciated
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
