stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
