and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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