mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
