she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
