He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
