Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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