Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
How did I end up in the pool?!
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Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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