you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
