The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
