Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
