Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
