hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
