I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
it's like heaven, but drunker
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
