what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
