the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
