I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
