I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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