If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
