I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The Olympian is in my bed
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
