it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
