I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
