If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
