Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
