His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
