I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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