Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
