Only a mothe r could love this liver
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think my moral compass just broke
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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