You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
