i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
