PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
