I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
