if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
