One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
