I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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