There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
