It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
