we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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