Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
