38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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