Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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