Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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