Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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