I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
