Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
