new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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