So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
