some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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