girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
