she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
