No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
How's work?
Spinning.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
