there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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