Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
