Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
