Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
