Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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