apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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