Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
