I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Redeem this text for a blowjob
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
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