A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
