I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
