6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
porn star boner night. come get it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
