"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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